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我不曾跟許多人說過這件事,但在我腦海中同時運轉著成千上萬個神秘世界。我也是一名自閉症患者,人們診斷自閉症時傾向於仰賴特定症狀描述,但事實上自閉症患者的症狀相當多變,例如我弟弟是非常嚴重的自閉症患者,他無法使用語言,根本不能說話,但我喜歡說話。人們通常將自閉症與只喜歡數學和科學聯想在一起,但我知道許多自閉症患者喜歡創新,但那是刻板印象,所謂刻板印象通常是錯誤的。例如很多人談到自閉症時立刻聯想到《雨人》,人們普遍認為每一個自閉症患者都是達斯汀.霍夫曼,事實並非如此。(笑聲)
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I haven't told many people this, but in my head, I've got thousands of secret worlds all going on all at the same time. I am also autistic. People tend to diagnose autism with really specific check-box descriptions, but in reality, it's a whole variation as to what we're like. For instance, my little brother, he's very severely autistic. He's nonverbal. He can't talk at all. But I love to talk. People often associate autism with liking maths and science and nothing else, but I know so many autistic people who love being creative. But that is a stereotype, and the stereotypes of things are often, if not always, wrong. For instance, a lot of people think autism and think "Rain Man" immediately. That's the common belief, that every single autistic person is Dustin Hoffman, and that's not true.
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但刻板印象不僅發生在自閉症患者身上,我在LGBTQ(男女同性戀、雙性戀、跨性別和對性別認同有疑問者)、女性族群及有色人種當中也看見這種現象。人們害怕成為異類,他們試著讓一切符合貼上特定標籤的小盒子。這是我親身經歷的事:我用google搜尋「自閉症患者是…」,隨即出現一些輸入建議。我用google搜尋「自閉症患者是…」,第一筆輸入建議是「惡魔」,那就是人們談到自閉症時首先想到的東西。他們竟然知道!(笑聲)身為自閉者患者,我能做到的其中一件事-與其說這是一種障礙,不如說是一種能力-那就是我擁有非常生動的想像力。讓我稍微解釋一下,感覺就像大部分時間我都遊走在兩個世界中,其中一個是真實世界,世上所有人共享的世界,另一個是我腦海中的世界,我腦海中的世界通常比現實世界更加真實。例如我很容易放鬆思緒,因為我不會試著讓自己侷限在那個小盒子裡。這是身為自閉症患者最大的好處之一,你沒有那麼做的渴望,你尋找你想做的事、尋找做這件事的方法,然後著手進行。如果我試著讓自己侷限在那個小盒子裡,我就不會站在這裡,也不會取得今天一半的成就。
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But that's not just with autistic people, either. I've seen it with LGBTQ people, with women, with POC people. People are so afraid of varietythat they try to fit everything into a tiny little box with really specific labels. This is something that actually happened to me in real life: I googled "autistic people are ..." and it comes up with suggestions as to what you're going to type. I googled "autistic people are ..." and the top result was "demons." That is the first thing that people think when they think autism. They know. (Laughter) One of the things I can do because I'm autistic — it's an ability rather than a disability — is I've got a very, very vivid imagination. Let me explain it to you a bit. It's like I'm walking in two worlds most of the time. There's the real world, the world that we all share, and there's the world in my mind, and the world in my mind is often so much more real than the real world. Like, it's very easy for me to let my mind loosebecause I don't try and fit myself into a tiny little box. That's one of the best things about being autistic. You don't have the urge to do that.You find what you want to do, you find a way to do it, and you get on with it. If I was trying to fit myself into a box, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have achieved half the things that I have now.
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但其中仍存在一些問題,身為自閉症患者的問題包括想像力太豐富的問題。一般來說上學是個問題,除此之外還得每天跟老師解釋他們的課程無聊得難以言喻。你秘密地在腦海中的世界裡避難,思緒脫離課堂,這讓你遇到更多問題。(笑聲)此外,當我的想像力佔據腦海時,我的身體也有了自己的生命。當某些令人振奮的事發生在我的內心世界時,我會奔跑、我會前後搖晃、或者有時會尖叫,這給了我豐沛的能量,我必須找到釋放能量的出口,但這是我從小就習以為常的事。當我還是個小女孩時,我父母認為那樣很可愛,因此他們不曾說過什麼。但當我入學後,他們不再認為這種行為可愛,或許是因為沒人想跟一個在代數課上突然尖叫的女孩做朋友。現在這種情況已不常發生,但人們或許不願跟一個罹患自閉症的女孩交朋友,或許人們不想跟任何不願或無法讓自己貼上正常標籤的人交往。但我不在乎這些,因為這就像從穀殼中挑出小麥,我可藉此瞭解哪些是真誠而實在的人,我可以挑這些人做朋友。
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There are problems, though. There are problems with being autistic, and there are problems with having too much imagination. School can be a problem in general, but having also to explain to a teacher on a daily basis that their lesson is inexplicably dull and you are secretly taking refuge in a world inside your head in which you are not in that lesson, that adds to your list of problems. (Laughter) Also, when my imagination takes hold, my body takes on a life of its own. When something very exciting happens in my inner world, I've just got to run. I've got to rock backwards and forwards, or sometimes scream. This gives me so much energy, and I've got to have an outlet for all that energy. But I've done that ever since I was a child, ever since I was a tiny little girl. And my parents thought it was cute, so they didn't bring it up, but when I got into school, they didn't really agree that it was cute. It can be that people don't want to be friends with the girl that starts screaming in an algebra lesson. And this doesn't normally happen in this day and age,but it can be that people don't want to be friends with the autistic girl. It can be that people don't want to associate with anyone who won't or can't fit themselves into a box that's labeled normal. But that's fine with me, because it sorts the wheat from the chaff, and I can find which people are genuine and true and I can pick these people as my friends.
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但如果你思考「什麼才算正常?」,正常是什麼意思?想像如果這是你聽過最好的稱讚:「哇,你正常極了!」(笑聲)但稱讚往往是「你確實與眾不同」,或「你真是出人意料」,或「你實在令人大吃一驚」。因此如果人們想成為這樣的人,為何有那麼多人竭盡所能地想成為正常人?為何人們將閃耀的個人光輝關進一個模具裡?人們太害怕成為異類,因此他們試著強迫每一個人、甚至那些不願或無法做到的人成為正常人。有一些專門針對LGBTQ或自閉者患者開辦的訓練營,試著讓他們成為所謂的「正常人」。在這個時代中這麼做實在令人恐懼,總之我不會與這個世界交易我的自閉症和想像力。
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But if you think about it, what is normal? What does it mean? Imagine if that was the best compliment you ever received. "Wow, you are really normal." (Laughter) But compliments are, "you are extraordinary" or "you step outside the box." It's "you're amazing." So if people want to be these things, why are so many people striving to be normal? Why are people pouring their brilliant individual light into a mold? People are so afraid of variety that they try and force everyone, even people who don't want to or can't, to become normal. There are camps for LGBTQ people or autistic people to try and make them this "normal," and that's terrifying that people would do that in this day and age. All in all, I wouldn't trade my autism and my imagination for the world.
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因為我是自閉症患者,我曾向BBC提供我拍攝的紀錄片,我現在正在寫一本書,我正在做這些美妙的事,我自認最大的成就是找到跟弟弟妹妹溝通的方法。如我之前提過的,他們沒有語言能力、無法交談,人們通常對沒有語言能力的人不抱任何希望。但這是愚蠢之舉,因為我的弟弟妹妹是你能想像最棒的手足。他們是最棒的,我深愛他們,我在乎他們勝過任何事物。我想留給你們一個問題:如果我們無法瞭解一個人的內心世界,不論他是否是自閉症患者,與其懲罰那些脫離常規的行為,何不慶祝其中的獨特性,為每一次想像力的綻放而歡呼?謝謝。(掌聲)
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Because I am autistic, I've presented documentaries to the BBC, I'm in the midst of writing a book, I'm doing this — this is fantastic — and one of the best things that I've achieved, that I consider to have achieved, is I've found ways of communicating with my little brother and sister, who as I've said are nonverbal. They can't speak. And people would often write off someone who's nonverbal, but that's silly, because my little brother and sister are the best siblings that you could ever hope for. They're just the best, and I love them so much and I care about them more than anything else. I'm going to leave you with one question: If we can't get inside the person's minds, no matter if they're autistic or not, instead of punishing anything that strays from normal,why not celebrate uniqueness and cheer every time someone unleashes their imagination? Thank you.