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午安,Somerson校長、Spalter主席、尊貴的來賓、家長、全體教職員,以及最重要的-183位畢業生和486位大學部學生。我不得不說,我十分有資格擔任你們的畢業演講嘉賓。我高中時被勒令休學,因大學史上第一椿大麻醜聞被踢出校園;我多次被捕,我因奇裝異服聞名;我的職業生涯充滿負面評價,我曾被媒體稱為「嘔吐王子」,最近還得到一個令我相當自豪的頭銜:「人民的變態」,今天十分榮幸能與我的同類共聚一堂。
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All right. Welcome and good afternoon, President Somerson, Chairman Spalter, honored guests, parents, faculty, staff, and – mostly! – the 183 graduates and 486 undergraduates here today.I should say right off that I am really qualified to be your commencement speaker. I was suspended from high school, then kicked out of college in the first marijuana scandal ever on a university campus. I’ve been arrested several times. I’ve been known to dress in ludicrous fashions. I’ve also built a career out of negative reviews, and have been called “the prince of puke” by the press. And most recently a title I’m really proud of: “the people’s pervert.” I am honored to be here today with my people.
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好,我應該是來鼓勵你們的,這樣如何?不知怎地,50年來我不曾從事一份真正的工作,卻能以最愛的事物維持生活。當我告訴朋友我的工作就是週一至週五每天6點起床思考瘋狂的東西,他們總是問我:「你如何做到如此自律?」答案很簡單:如果我不為了自己努力工作,我就得為別人工作。此外,我可以在家中與臥室僅一室之隔的辦公室工作,甚至隨心所欲地穿著內褲工作。你們很幸運,當我在學校時,我的老師打擊我有過的每個夢想,我想成為世上最噁心的人,但沒有學校成全我。我打賭RISD(羅德島設計學院)會成全我,你甚至可以憑虐殺電影拿到A+。希望學校有教導你永遠別害怕在工作上遭到拒絕,記住,「不」是免費的。向世界提出要求,別在意最初的拒絕。藝術工作就像搭車旅行,你只需要有人允許你上車,到了目的地你就離開,藉此逐步建立自信。當然,對你們的教育而言,玩樂和工作一樣重要。在藝術領域中玩樂就是工作,不是嗎?還有什麼領域能像幫派饒舌歌曲、加斯帕.諾埃的電影、甚至復古色情影片,只要用於研究就能作為業務支出而扣稅?
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OK, I’m supposed to inspire you. How’s this? Somehow I’ve been able to make a living doing what I love best for 50 years without ever having to get a real job. “But how can you be so disciplined?” friends always ask when I tell them my job is to get up every day at 6 a.m. Monday to Friday and think up insane stuff. Easy! If I didn’t work this hard for myself, I’d have to go work for somebody else. Plus I can go to my office one room away from my bedroom in my own house dressed in my underpants if I want to.You’re lucky. When I went to school, my teachers discouraged every dream I ever had. I wanted to be the filthiest person alive, but no school would let me. I bet RISD would’ve. You could possibly even make a snuff movie here and get an A+. Hopefully you have been taught never to fear rejection in the workplace. Remember, a no is free. Ask for the world and pay no mind if you are initially turned down. A career in the arts is like a hitchhiking trip: All you need is one person to say “Get in” and off you go. And then the confidence begins. Of course, play is equally as important to your education as work. And in the fine arts, play is work, isn’t it? What other field allows you to deduct as business expenses from your taxes gangsta rap, Gaspar Noé’s movies, even vintage porn as long as you use it for research?
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記住:你必須投入你想參與的創意世界,因此如果你才華洋溢?然後呢?你必須瞭解如何在工作領域中闖蕩,對工作領域中能引發混亂的因素保持敏感度。如果你是視覺藝術家,去看看畫廊中的展覽,它們瘋狂地在曼哈頓的爛社區中尋找靈感。觀看每一部在《紐約時報》獲得負面評價的電影,瞭解導演究竟做錯了什麼。閱讀,不斷地閱讀。觀察街上的路人。偷窺、八卦、偷聽。當你年紀漸長,你需要年輕的間諜使你跟上不曾有人聽過的新音樂腳步或身體穿洞的潮流,甚至那些你需要盡力避免的新型性病,千萬別像我們那一代主張「60年代有更多樂子」的人。不,事實並非如此。如今那些仍與父母同住、幾個月不見父母一面、但臥室門前總是有食物的孩子,他們藉由電腦使國外政府停擺,所得到的快樂如同我們當時禁止炸彈一樣。今天也許是你們未成年犯罪的終點,但也應是你們成為叛逆成人的起點。如今每個人都想做局外人,對缺失保持正確的政治態度。這是好事,我希望你們終結種族歧視、性別歧視、年齡歧視、肥胖歧視,但這就夠了嗎?難道成為局外人不會太落伍嗎?我是指,也許現在是放手一搏、顛覆一切的好時機,將你們重塑為自己最可怕的新敵人-局內人,就像我,哈!
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Remember: You must participate in the creative world you want to become part of. So what if you have talent? Then what? You have to figure out how to work your way inside. Keep up with what’s causing chaos in your own field.If you’re a visual artist, go see the shows in the galleries that are frantically competing to find the one bad neighborhood left in Manhattan to open up in.Watch every movie that gets a negative review in the New York Times and figure out what the director did wrong.Read, read, read!Watch people on the streets. Spy, be nosy, eavesdrop.And, as you get older, you’ll need youth spies that will keep you abreast of new music that nobody has heard of yet or body-piercing mutilations that are becoming all the rage – even budding sexually transmitted disease you should go to any length to avoid.Never be like some of my generation who say “We had more fun in the ’60s.” No, we didn’t! The kids today who still live with their parents who haven’t seen them in months but leave food outside their bedroom doors are having just as much fun shutting down the government of foreign countries on their computer as we did banning the bomToday may be the end of your juvenile delinquency, but it should also be the first day of your new adult disobedience. These days, everybody wants to be an outsider, politically correct to a fault. That’s good. I hope you are working to end racism, sexism, ageism, fatism. But is that enough? Isn’t being an outsider sooo 2014? I mean, maybe it’s time to throw caution to the wind, really shake things up, and reinvent yourself as a new version of your most dreaded enemy – the insider. Like I am. Ha!
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最具諷刺性的例子:最後獲得權力的創意瘋子。思考一下:我沒有改變,改變的是社會。誰想過像RISD這種頂尖大學會邀請我這種猥瑣老頭來給學生做榜樣?看到了嗎?每個人都有希望,你們需要準備偷襲社會。《髮膠明星夢》是我製作的唯一真正狡猾的電影,目前這部音樂劇幾乎在美國每一所高中演出,似乎沒人注意到這是一部兩個男人對唱情歌的戲劇,還鼓勵白人少女與黑人小子約會。《粉紅火鶴》是對「改變」的宣揚,《髮膠明星夢》則是特洛伊木馬,它悄悄地潛入美國核心,不曾被逮到。你們可以做同樣的事。聆聽政敵的話語,尤其是聰明的那些,然後想辦法讓他們發笑。沒有人喜歡肥皂盒上的洞,幽默一向是最好的防禦和武器,如果你可以讓一個白癡發笑,至少他們在對你做一些蠢事之前會三思而行。拒絕孤立自我,分離主義是失敗者的專利,同性戀已經不夠格了。這是好的開始,但我不希望我的回憶錄放在書店後方廁所旁靠近犯罪小說的同性戀圖書區。不,我希望它與暢銷書一起放在書店前方。如今在藝術學校的異性戀孩子不是比同性戀孩子遭受更多偏見嗎?
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The final irony: A creatively crazy person who finally gets power. Think about it: I didn’t change. Society did. Who would have ever thought a top college like RISD would invite a filth elder like myself to set an example to its students‽ See? There’s hope for everybody.
You need to prepare sneak attacks on society. Hairspray is the only really devious movie I ever made. The musical based on it is now being performed in practically every high school in America – and nobody seems to notice it’s a show with two men singing a love song to each other that also encourages white teen girls to date black guys. Pink Flamingos was preaching to the converted. But Hairspray is a Trojan horse: It snuck into Middle America and never got caught. You can do the same thing.Listen to your political enemies, especially the smart ones, and then figure out a way to make them laugh. Nobody likes a bore on a soapbox. Humor is always the best defense and weapon. If you can make an idiot laugh, they’ll at least pause and listen before they do something stupid – to you.Refuse to isolate yourself. Separatism is for losers. Gay is not enough anymore. It’s a good start, but I don’t want my memoirs to be in the gay section near true crime at the back of the bookstore next to the bathrooms. No! I want it up front with the best sellers. And don’t heterosexual kids actually receive more prejudice in art schools today than the gay ones?
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情況已發生改變,這是一個迷惘的時代,現在或許是提出警告的時候了。我聽過最驚人的概念是,如果你準備談論挑戰學生價值觀的概念,你應該在何時提出警告?我認為這就是你們唸大學的原因。我的整個人生就是一個警告,但你們已收到警告,因此警告已經起了作用。現在回到演講主題。別仇視所有的富人,他們並不可怕。相信我,我也見過一些邪惡的窮人。我們需要富人的存在,否則誰來支持我們的電影或購買我們的藝術作品?我是有錢人,我是指-我不是指金錢上的富有,我是指我已瞭解在個人生活和職業生涯中如何避免與混蛋為伍,這就是我所謂的富有,不與混蛋為伍應成為今天每一位畢業生的目標。痛恨貧窮無傷大雅,但僅限於精神上的貧窮而非金錢上的缺乏。在我看來,所謂的窮人是擁有一大筆銀行存款,但在選擇方面是愚蠢的。缺乏好奇心、武斷、孤立、不願改變。我也很遺憾地告訴你們,沒有所謂因果這回事。我許多才華洋溢的好友都過世了,許多我討厭的傻瓜仍活著。這不公平,永遠不會公平。
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Things are a-changin’ – it’s a confusing time. This might be time for a trigger warning. Uh, the amazing concept I’ve heard about is where you’re supposed to warn students if you’re gonna talk about something that challenges their values? I thought that’s why you went to college. My whole life has been a trigger warning. But you have been warned. So the trigger warning is in effect, and now back to the prepared speech.Uh, don’t hate all rich people. They’re not all awful. Believe me, I know some evil poor people, too. We need some rich people: Who else is going to back our movies or buy our art? I’m rich! I don’t mean money-wise. I mean that I have figured out how to never be around a——-s at any time in my personal and professional life. That’s rich. And not being around a——s should be the goal of every graduate here today.It’s OK to hate the poor, too, but only the poor of spirit, not wealth. A poor person to me can have a big bank balance but is stupid by choice – uncurious, judgmental, isolated and unavailable to change.I’m also sorry to report there’s no such thing as karma. So many of my talented great friends are dead and so many of the fools I’ve met and loathed are still alive. It’s not fair, and it never will be.
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各位家長,現在是與你們談談的時候了。天哪,這些孩子可說是被寵壞的小鬼,不是嗎?又名:小混蛋。他們把你們當作提款機嗎?難道他們不能給你們一點時間適應社會的變化,例如變性手術、植角手術、「成人幼兒」群體政治權?年輕的成年人們,也許今天是你們不再一遇上問題就指責父母的好時機。是的,這是你深鎖在-是的,這是你深鎖在父母床下紙盒中、整天與汽車天線纏在一起的拖累,但現在是前進的時候了。我們都有屬於我們的資源,設法自行解決,抱怨不是大學畢業生的作風。反之亦然,家長也不應束縛你們的孩子。也許你女兒滿臉都是刺青,設法面對吧!樂觀一點,也許有一天她會在巴黎開一家超棒的紋身店。有時我會感動不已,當我看見心焦如焚的父母帶他們憤怒而叛逆的孩子來看我的脫口秀,作為聯繫感情的最後一搏,至少雙方都肯嘗試。如果每位家庭成員都有耐心,成熟的和解狀態將會來臨。
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Parents, now it’s time to talk to you. God, these kids can be brats, can’t they? Do they think you’re made of money? Can’t they give you a second to adjust to such social changes as sexual reassignment surgery, horn implants, and the political rights of the adult baby community? And, young adults, maybe today is the day you stop blaming your parents for every problem you’ve ever had. Yes, it’s a drag you were kept locked in a cardboard box under their bed and daily whipped with a car aerial, but it’s time to move on. We’ve all been dealt a hand. Deal with it! Whining is never appealing in a college graduate.And, parents, vice versa: You don’t get to order up your kids, either. Maybe your daughter did tattoo her entire face. Well, work with that you got! Think positively: Maybe she’ll open a fancy tattoo parlor in Paris. I’m touched to sometimes see distraught parents bringing their angry and defiant teenage children with them to see my spoken-word show in a last-ditch effort to bond. At least both sides are trying. The truce of maturity will come to families if every member is patient.
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當我回顧過去,父母對我的理解總是令我感到驚訝。斯波克博士的育兒指南中,沒有任何章節描述當孩子只想玩車禍遊戲時該怎麼做,但我蹣跚學步時母親帶我去廢棄物堆積場,讓我在那個令人充滿恐怖幻想的地方遊蕩,父親甚至借錢給我拍攝《粉紅火鶴》,最後我還清了這筆錢-還加上利息。但回顧過往,我真的期待他會高興萬分,因為我製作了如《Variety》雜誌所言「史上最愚蠢、粗俗、噁心的電影」嗎?父母給予我安全感,這就是我今天來這裡的原因,這也是你應該試著為孩子所做的,無論在現今這個時代孩子是怎麼來的。當代藝術的使命就是顛覆之前的東西,還有什麼比這份工作更令人嚮往?還有一個提醒,請原諒我說髒話:邁向世界,把世界搞得更美好。設計醜陋至極的衣服,使它們穿起來不會顯得諷刺。用新點子讓我們大吃一驚,激怒過時的評論家,將科技用於擾亂紀律,而非頹廢的社交生活。讓我坐立難安。最後,為自己感到慶幸。你們順利從大學畢業,沒有自殺,也沒有用藥過量或精神崩潰。別忘了那些有這些問題的人,是該忙碌起來的時候了。現在輪到你們製造麻煩,但這次是在現實世界裡,這次你是局內人。十分感謝。
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I often look back in wonder at how understanding my parents were. Dr. Spock didn’t have a chapter in his child-rearing book on how to handle your son if all he wanted to do as a child was play “car accident.” Yet my mom took me to junkyards as a toddler and let me wander around fantasizing ghoulishly. My dad even lent me the money to make Pink Flamingos, and I paid him back in full – with interest. But, looking back, did I really expect him to be thrilled that I had made one of the quote “most stupid, vile, repulsive films ever made,” as Variety called it?My parents made me feel safe, and that’s why I’m up here today. That’s what you should try to do to your children too – no matter where you get your children these days.
Contemporary art’s job is to wreck what came before. Is there a better job description than that to aspire to? Here’s another trigger warning: Go out in the world and f— it up beautifully.
Design clothes so hideous that they can’t be worn ironically.Horrify us with new ideas.
Outrage outdated critics. Use technology for transgression, not lazy social living.Make me nervous!And finally, count your blessings. You got through college. You didn’t commit suicide, O.D., or have a nervous breakdown, and let’s remember the ones who did. It’s time to get busy. It’s your turn to cause trouble – but this time in the real world, and this time from the inside.Thank you very much.