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別害怕。一位班寧頓學生十分鐘前來到這個講台,把釘頭槌拿給我,這是他做的。如果不把它帶到台上,你永遠不會成為真正的班寧頓人。因此我要感謝Ben,讓今晚的聽眾把我當成神一樣的敬畏。但我不得不把它放下,因為我是演員,相當虛弱。太重了,它不像電影道具,但它是真的,感謝Ben。因此現在我要用唸的,我得看稿,抱歉,我可能會常低頭。
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Don’t be frightened! When a Bennington student, 10 minutes before you come up to the podium — and you’re amazed.That he made. If you don’t bring it to the podium with you, you will never be BenningtoSo I would like to thank you Ben for helping me put the fear of God in the audience tonight. But I have to put it down because I’m an actor, I am really weak. That was heavy. It wasn’t like a prop but it was real. Thanks Ben.So now I’m going to read. And I’m not off book. Sorry, I might be looking down a lot.
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感謝Coleman校長、Brian Conover、全體教職員、學生、家屬、校友,其中有些是我親愛的朋友,他們一路從大城市來這裡看我,希望我今晚不會丟臉。特別感謝你們,2012年畢業生。知道嗎?我本來打算讀一則我寫的笑話︰「為了掌聲再撐一下!」因此你們毀了我的笑話。再來一次:「2012,為了掌聲再撐一下!」2012,哇!我不曾想過能看到2012年,我想也許瑪雅曆法將被證明是正確的,世界末日將成為我擺脫畢業演講這個可怕任務的最大藉口。但等一下!根據瑪雅曆法,世界末日是何時?12月,2012年12月。該死!好,也許我不該在世界末日來臨前跟畢業生談對開創新人生的渴望,好吧。真的嗎?真的嗎?在眾多小說家、老師、劇作家、詩人、開創性視覺藝術家和科學先驅中,你們請來了電視演員。錯了!事實上我聽說你們連署推薦我。喔!一群傻瓜。知道嗎?那些沒參加連署的人,待會我想跟你們談談中東和全球經濟衰退問題;至於那些連署推薦我的人,我沒有任何《權力遊戲》簽名DVD,但我很樂意稍後在酒吧談談關於坦格利安和蘭尼斯特血統的問題。
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Thank you, President Coleman, Brian Conover, faculty, students, family, alumni, some of whom are dear friends of mine who have traveled all the way from the big city to see me hopefully not humiliate myself tonight. And especially thanks to you, the Graduating Class of 2012.See, as a joke I wrote, hold for applause, and I was actually going to read that. So you kind of killed my joke.Let’s do that again. 2012, hold for applause.2012. Wow! I never thought I’d see 2012. I thought perhaps the Mayan calendar would prove correct. And the end of the world would have been the greatest excuse to get me out of this terrifying task of delivering the commencement speech. But wait! According to the Mayan calendar here, when does the world end? December — December 2012. Damn!Okay. Maybe I shouldn’t talk to the graduates eager to start the new lives about the end of the world. Okay. Really? Really?Of all the novelists, teachers, playwrights, poets, groundbreaking visual artists and pioneers of science, you got the TV actor. No, no, and I actually heard you petition for me. Oh, you fools!You know what, for those of you who didn’t petition for me, I would love to later on talk about the problems in the Middle East and the downfall of the world economy. And for those of you who did petition for me, I don’t have any signed DVDs of the Game of Thrones. But I am happy to talk about the parallel lineages of the Targaryens and Lannisters later at the bar.
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我經過苦苦掙扎,當然還有我妻子Erica的一點鼓勵,才答應來這裡演講,因為我不曾這麼做。以我的職業來說,總是通曉世事的人告訴我該怎麼做、該站在哪裡、該看哪裡,最重要的是該說什麼。但你們邀請了我,只有我。我的言詞未經修飾,如你們所見,相當笨拙。好,讓我想想,我正在想,但事實上我沒有照稿唸,這是即興演出。讓我想想大家給了我什麼建議,當我拼命打聽該如何準備畢業演講時。「說他們想聽的」、「談談你在班寧頓的歲月」、「你知道,怎麼講都是對的」,我喜歡這個建議。「長話短說」,這是我岳父的建議。「實話實說,告訴他們你畢業後過得多糟」,待會我會談到這一點。「只要參考梅莉.史翠普在巴納德的畢業演講就沒問題了」。套句貝克特的話:「我做不到,但我會去做。」因此在這場演講結束很久以後,即使我不曾激起你們心中的熱情,即使我無法激勵你們追求目標、達成夢想,即使今晚一杯酒後你們就會忘了我,我該怎麼辦?「我做不到,但我會去做」。
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You see, it took all of my strength, and, of course, a little extra push from my wife Erica for me to agree to do this. Because I don’t do this. In my profession, I am told by people who know what they’re doing, where to stand, how to look, and most importantly, what to say. But you’ve got me — only me — my words unedited and as you will see quite embarrassing.Okay, let me think. I’m thinking. But actually I didn’t read that. That was ad libbed.Let me think. What has — everyone and their uncle told me, as I desperately seek out advice on how to give a commencement address.“Tell them what they want to hear.”“Talk about your time at Bennington.”“Know that there is no wrong speech.” I like that one.“Just keep it brief.” That was my father-in-law.“Be brutally honest.”“Tell them how hard it is after you graduate.” We’ll get back to that one.“Just watch Meryl Streep’s commencement speech at Barnard and you’ll be fine.”What did Beckett say: “I Can’t Go On, I’ll Go On”.So even if I don’t burn in your hearts and minds long after this speech is over. Even if I don’t inspire you to reach for the stars and beyond. Even if I am erased from your memory after one glass of wine tonight — Where am I going with this? I can’t go on. I’ll go on.
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我不會像老漁夫一樣談論我這裡度過的歲月,你們有屬於自己的經歷,你們有屬於自己的故事,但我不得不說,對我來說這裡確實是一切的起點。在佛蒙特州一個大雨之夜,當時是1987年,我是預備生,雨下得很大,很難看清我遇見的人,他後來成為我最好的朋友和夥伴。他是大一新生,17年後,他介紹給我的朋友成了我的妻子,我叫他Sherm,因為我願意。當時是深夜,在Booth House旁的路上,儘管夜黑雨大,這個地方仍生氣勃勃,宿舍發出閃爍的燈光。當時我是個來自紐澤西的小子,唸的是天主教男子高中。我大約四英呎高,說話含糊不清。我穿著一件黑色天鵝絨繫帶斗篷、黑色緊身衣、軍靴和一張臭臉,但來到班寧頓就像回家,我不得不說它沒什麼長進。讓我說明一下:不會有比你身邊的人更光彩奪目的人了,坐在你身邊的同學和朋友已經夠好了。畢業22年後,我跟雨夜認識的朋友兼校友Sherm共事,合作演出他寫的無數作品,包含從客廳到百老匯的所有事業發展階段。Brooks、Ian、Justin、Brett、John、Matthew、Jim、Sean、Hyla、Nicki和Dabi都是我在本校的同學,他們現在仍與我共事,很幸運能跟他們成為朋友。
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You know, I won’t speak of my time here, like some old fishermen. You have already had your time here. You have your own story to tell.But I have to say. For me, it did start here, in Vermont, on a very rainy night. It was 1987. And I was a prospective student. The rain was coming down so hard, it was impossible to see that I was meeting the person who would later become my greatest friend and collaborator. A freshman, who would, 17 years later, introduce me to the woman that became my wife. I’ll call him Sherm. Because I do.It was late at night, on the road, right there near Booth House. And despite the dark night and the heavy rain, this place was so alive. The lights pulsed from each of the dorms.Now I was a kid from New Jersey who went to an all-boys catholic high school. I was four-foot something. I mumbled when I spoke. I wore a sort of woman’s black belt that capped, black tights, combat boots and a skull.But here at Bennington, I was home. And I have to say it doesn’t get better. Let me clarify. There are not shinier more important people out there. Your fellow students, you friends sitting around you are as good as it gets. Twenty two years after my own graduation, I have worked with my rainy night friend and fellow graduate Sherm on countless productions he has written, in all stages of development from living rooms to Broadway.Brooks, Ian, Justin, Brett, John, Matthew, Jim, Sean, Hyla, Nicki and [Dabi] are all classmates I shared my time with here and still work with. And I’m lucky to call my friends.
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我們在這裡被寵壞了,人們總是對我說:「以這麼小的學校來說,你們的人似乎太多了。」我覺得這很有趣,我認為這相當棒。我們情不自禁,我們光芒四射。千萬別停下腳步,畢業生們。當我坐在你們現在所坐的位置,我有許多夢想,關於未來的方向、想成為什麼樣的人、想做什麼。我想跟同學組劇團、我想進軍電影界、我想跟導演合作、我想寫故事,我想這或許需要一點時間,但終會如願。當我22年前坐在那裡時,我不願思考明天我該何去何從、明天我該從何著手。我畢業於1991年,很棒的一年,我國獨立電影開始復甦,紐約市房租相對來說足以負擔,我認為我可以靠寫劇本維生,演出非百老匯戲劇,希望有一天加入那些我熱愛與崇敬的獨立電影演員行列。電視?算了吧!開什麼玩笑?不,根本沒考慮過,我的水準高多了,我的自尊心強多了,還真煩。我沒有的是現金、銀行賬戶、信用卡或公寓,我只有債務,如無底洞般與日俱增的巨額債務。因此如同明天的你們,我不得不離開美麗的佛蒙特州,將未來的人生與襪子和牙刷一起打包,輾轉於一位又一位紐約朋友的公寓沙發,直到我耗盡付房租室友的歡迎。
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We are very spoilt here. People always say to me, “for such a small school it seems like there are so many of you”. I find that really interesting. And I kind of think that’s perfect. We can’t help it. We burn very brightly. Please don’t ever stop.Graduates, now when I sat where you are right sitting right now, I had so many dreams of where I wanted to go, who I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do. Theater companies I wanted to start with classmates. Movies, I wanted to be in. Directors I wanted to work with. Stories I needed to tell. It might take a little time, I thought. But it would happen. When I sat there, 22 years ago, what I didn’t want to think about is where I would be tomorrow. What I would have to start to do tomorrow.And I graduated in 1991, a great year. A time of resurgence for independent films in this country. A time of relatively affordable rents in New York City. See, I assumed that I could make a living writing my plays, acting way off off off Broadway. And hopefully, you know, one day, join the actors I loved and respected in those independent films. TV – oh, what, no. What! Are you kidding me? No, didn’t even consider that. I had much more class than that. Much more self-respect than that. And so bothers —What I didn’t have was cash, a bank account, a credit card, or an apartment. I just had debt. A big hungry, growing larger every moment debt.So as you will tomorrow, I had to leave beautiful Vermont. Attack the life that I knew with socks and a tooth brush into my backpack. And I slept on ouch, after couch, after couch, after couch at friends’ apartments in New York. Until I wore out the rent paying roommates’ welcome.
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我不想做全職工作,我是演員,我是作家,我是班寧頓畢業生。我不得不找份全職工作,我曾在鋼琴店替鋼琴撣了五個月灰塵,我曾在一名莎士比亞學者家裡除草和清蜂巢一年。我曾經失業,但時間不長,我無法承受那種罪惡感。最後我終於能支付下東城一間公寓地板的租金,但我的室友精神崩潰後失蹤,後來他出現在一個狂熱教派。我試圖讓這一切聽起來浪漫一點,事實卻非如此。我在畫廊幫忙掛畫,激勵你認為「我做得到」那種畫。然後,終於,經過兩年找工作和在沙發間流浪的日子,我得到一份工作,應用程式處理方面的工作,在一個叫「專業考試服務」的公司擔任資料輸入員。我在那裡待了六年,六年!比在班寧頓待的時間還久,從23歲到29歲。大家都喜歡我,我很有趣,我穿得一身黑,沒有斗篷和緊身衣。我和收發室同事在卸貨區抽菸,比較誰宿醉得嚴重,大家彼此互稱「矮子」。有事嗎,矮子?最近好嗎,矮子?怎麼宿醉得這麼嚴重,矮子?我幾乎每週五都請病假,因為前晚在外面混得太晚。我討厭這份工作,卻依賴這份工作,因為這份工作我才有能力付房租。
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I didn’t want a day job. I was an actor, I was a writer. I was a Bennington graduate. I had to get a day job. I dusted pianos at a piano store and let those streak for five months. I worked on the property of a Shakespeare scholar for a year pulling weeds and removing bees’ nests. I went on unemployment once but for not for long, I couldn’t handle the guilt.Eventually I was able to pay rent for a spot on the floor of an apartment on the Lower East side. But my roommate had a breakdown and disappeared. He later resurfaced in a religious cult. I’m making this sound romantic. It really wasn’t.I helped hang paintings at galleries, paintings that inspire you to think, I could do that.And then finally, after two years of job and couch surfing, I got a job in application processing. As a data enterer at a place called Professional Examination Services. And I stayed for six years. Six years! Longer than my time at BenningtoFrom the age of 23 to 29, well they loved me there. I was funny. I wore black no cap no tights. I smoked in the loading docks with the guys from the mail room and we shared how hung-over we all were. Everyone called each other shortie. What’s up short? How you doing shortie? So how so hung-over shortie?I called in sick almost every Friday because I was out late the night before. I hated that job. And I clung to that job. Because of that job, I could afford my own place.
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因此我住在布魯克林威廉斯堡(譯註:現已成為繁華地帶)。是的,你現在聽到會尖叫。喔,真希望有台時光機。是的,我住在一間工業閣樓,月租400美元。我想跟班寧頓的朋友兼同學Ian Bell共組劇團的夢想已破滅,我不想詳述其中的細節,但我們倆人都沒什麼商業頭腦。我們所住的劇院沒有暖氣或熱水,我們全身發臭,但我們擁有青春,但青春很快就會變老,將來你們就知道了。
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So I lived in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Yeah, you say that now. Oh, my kingdom for a time machine. Yeah, that’s right. I lived in an industrial loft. My rent was $400 a month.My dream of running a theater company with my friend and fellow Bennington graduate, Ian bell had died. I won’t go into those details but neither one of us had any business sense and the theater we lived in. It had no heat or hot water. We didn’t smell very good. But we had our youth, but youth gets old very quickly. You’ll see.
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因此Ian搬到西雅圖,我搬到街上的閣樓,我仍然沒有暖氣。1993年時,工業閣樓意味著不合法住宅。我不希望這聽起來很酷,但我覺得聽起來很酷,隨口說說。但我確實有熱水,浴室裡有熱水,有位使用這間浴室的朋友驚呼:「它聞起來就像夏令營的味道。」這是事實。出於某種原因,在布魯克林當中,我的淋浴噴頭裡有土,真正的土。然後-喔,快看,土裡長出了蘑菇!但我很安全,對街有家消防公司,他們製造各種撲滅化學火災的化學藥品,我不怕化學火災,我不會有事。所有瀰漫在空氣中的化學藥品也無所謂,因為這條街上有家調味料廠,他們製作調味料,孜然香味掩蓋了所有氣味。家裡有隻老鼠,但無所謂,因為我有隻貓,牠叫布萊恩,沒有任何影射之意。祖母給了我一張粉紅色的沙發床,奇怪的是,沒有任何朋友或剛畢業的學生想借睡我的沙發。因此我將沙發倒放,讓布萊恩能爬上去看窗外。我只有一個窗口,我看不到窗外,它相當高。因此我沒有暖氣、沒有女朋友。你跟我開玩笑嗎?沒有經紀人,但我有隻叫布萊恩的貓,牠告訴我窗外的世界。
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So Ian moved out to Seattle. And I moved up the street to my loft. And I still didn’t have heat.In 1993, industrial loft meant not legal to live there. See, I don’t want this to sound cool and I feel like it’s sounding cool. Ad liBut I did have hot water — hot water in my bathroom, which a friend of mine using that bathroom once shouted, it smells exactly like. A summer camp in here. It was true. For some reason, in the middle of Brooklyn, there was earth in my shower – actual earth and then oh, look, mushrooms growing from the earth. But I was safe though.The ideal fire control company was right across the street where they make all the chemicals that put out chemical fires. I did not fear a chemical fire. I would be OK. And all those chemicals in the air were OK too. Because up the street we had the spice factory, they made spices, and that just covered everything up in a nice cumin scent. I had a rat. But that was OK, because I got a cat. His name was Brian, no relation.My grandmother had given me a pink pull-out couch. Oddly no friends or recent graduates wanted to crash on my couch. So I put the couch on its end, so Brian could climb it and look out the window.I had only the one window. I myself could not look out the window. It was – it was quite high. So I had no heat. No girlfriend. What! Are you kidding me? No, acting agent. But I had a cat named Brian who told me of the world outside.
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於是我在那裡待了10年。不,別可憐我,結局是圓滿的。29歲時,我告訴自己:無論下一個演出工作酬勞有多少,從現在起,無論是好是壞,我都要成為職業演員。因此我辭去專業考試服務公司的職務,我朋友很不高興,因為在那裡工作時他們很容易找到我。我在公司才有網路可用,當時網路才剛興起。現在我沒有網路、手機或工作,但好事發生了:我獲得一份酬勞微薄的工作,參與舞台劇《不完美愛情》的演出,這讓我獲得電影《十三個月亮》的演出機會,編劇是同一個人。我藉此獲得一個又一個角色,從此展開演員生涯。但-我不知道會發生這些事,29歲離開資料處理工作時我十分害怕,十年來住在沒有暖氣的地方、六年來的全職工作,我感到深陷其中。也許我害怕改變,你們呢?我父母並不富有,但他們盡力送我去最好的學校,他們為我做的最重要的一件事-畢業生們,也許你們不想聽這個-就是一旦畢業,我就得自力更生,我得負擔自己的開銷。家長們用力鼓掌,畢業生們拒絕鼓掌。但這讓我完全吃不飽,一點都不誇張。我無法偷懶,現在我懶得要命,但在當時我無法偷懶。
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And I stayed for 10 years. No, don’t pity me. There’s a happy ending.When I was 29, I told myself the next acting job I get no matter what it pays, I will from now on, for better or worse, be a working actor. So I quit my position at the Professional Examination Services. My friends really weren’t happy about that, because it was so easy to find me when I worked there. Work – that was the only place I had the internet. This was at the beginning of the Internet.And now I didn’t have either the internet or a cell phone or a job. But something good happened.I got a little pink theater job in a play called Imperfect Love. Which led to a film called 13 Moons with the same writer. Which led to other roles. Which led to other roles. And I’ve worked as an actor ever since.But I didn’t know that would happen. At 29, walking away from data processing, I was terrified.Ten years in a place without heat. Six years at a job, I felt stuck in. Maybe I was afraid of change. Are you?My parents didn’t have much money. But they struggled to send me to the best schools. And one of the most important things they did for me — and graduates, maybe you don’t want to hear this – is that once I graduated, I was on my own. Financially, it was my turn.Parents are applauding, graduates are not. But this made me very hungry. Literally. I couldn’t be lazy. Now I’m totally lazy but back then, I couldn’t be.
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因此29歲時,很長一段時間,在演員、編劇和導演的陪伴下,我展開第一年的生活,展開畢業後第一天真正的人生,我一直跟他們在一起。讓你的餘生順心而行,別尋找決定性時刻,因為它永遠不會到來。孩子的誕生?好吧,當然算,先不管那個,那只是6個月。我的人生從此改變,那是我一生中最重要的時刻,但我是指在你的餘生中最重要的是,在你的工作中,定義你的時刻已經發生,它還會再次發生,稍縱即逝。因此請與友伴同行,你需要的每個人都在這裡,這些就是你的貴人。抱歉,畢業後的人生糟透了。確實如此,我是指至少對我來說是如此,但這就是我的經驗。你會感到有點無所適從,但很快就會開始出現契機。相信我,一切開始步上軌道,如同你們入學幾天後的情形,千萬別像我一樣直到29歲才找到人生方向。如果發生這種情形也沒關係,有人一輩子也沒找到人生方向,但你們會找到的,我向你們保證。你們已經來到這裡,相當於已跨出一大步。你們將發現屬於自己的道路,或者在你已發現的道路上繼續前進。
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And so at 29, in a very long last, I was in the company of the actors and writers and directors I’d start out that first year, that first day after school. I was. I am by their sides. Raise the rest of your life to meet you. Don’t search for defining moments because they will never come. Well, the birth of your children, OK, of course, forget about it, that’s just six months. My life is forever changed, that’s most defining moment ever. But I’m talking about in the rest of your life and most importantly in your work. The moments that define you have already happened. And they will already happen again. And it passes so quickly.So please bring each other along with you. Everyone you need is in this room. These are the shiny more important people.Sorry, it sucks after graduation. It really does. I mean, I don’t know. At least it did for me. But that’s the only thing I know.You just get a bit derailed. But soon something starts to happen. Trust me. A rhythm sets in. Just like it did after your first few days here. Just try not to wait until like me, you’re 29 before you find it. And if you are, that’s fine too. Some of us never find it. But you will, I promise you. You are already here. That’s such an enormous step all its own. You’ll find your rhythm, or continue the one you have already found.
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某天我走在曼哈頓鬧區,一群非常可愛的年輕女士走向我。沒什麼,事實上她們在我身後狂追。當她們氣喘吁吁地追上我,她們不知道該說什麼,或語無倫次,原來她們是紐約大學新生,她們主修音樂劇。想也知道,拜託,她們不像理科生,她們追在我身後,我問說:「你們準備演出什麼音樂劇?」其中一位低頭看著鞋說:「大一新生不允許參加戲劇演出。」她們付出高昂的學費,卻不能做自己喜歡做的事。我想我說的是:「好吧,堅持下去。」我應該說的是:「別等別人告訴你說你準備好了,採取行動,上台去唱,或立刻轉學到班寧頓。」當我在這裡在唸書時,如果大一新生想自行撰寫和演出自己的音樂劇,舞台燈早已為她掛上。
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I was walking downtown in Manhattan the other day. And I was approached by a group of very sweet young ladies. Easy. Actually they’re sort of running feverishly down the street after me. When they got to me breathless, it was really — they didn’t know what to say, or couldn’t form the words. But it came out that they were NYU freshmen. And they were majoring in musical theater. Of course, come on. They were like science majors. They are running after me.“What musicals are you doing?” I inquired.“Well,” one of them said, looking down at her shoes, “we aren’t allowed to be in plays in our freshman year”.Now they were paying a very high tuition to not do what they love doing.I think I said, “Well, hang in there”. What I should have said was, “Don’t wait until they tell you you are ready. Get in there”. Sing or quickly transfer to Bennington.When I went to school here, if a freshman wanted to write direct and star in her own musical, the lights would already be hung for her.
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我分享這則故事,原因在於這個世界或許會說你還沒準備好。我出社會後等了很長一段時間才允許自己承認失敗,我懇求你們:別費心徵求許可,別費心告訴這個世界你準備好了,展現自己、採取行動。貝克特是怎麼說的?「嘗試過,失敗過,沒關係,再嘗試,再失敗,失敗得更漂亮一點。」2012年班寧頓學院畢業生,世界屬於你們。仁慈地對待每一個人,照亮黑夜。十分感謝你們的邀請,十分榮幸,謝謝。
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Now I tell the story, because the world might say you are not allowed to yet. I waited a long time out in the world before I gave myself permission to fail. Please, don’t even bother asking, don’t bother telling the world you are ready. Show it. Do it.What did Beckett say? “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”Bennington Class of 2012, the world is yours. Treat everyone kindly and light up the night.Thank you so much for having me here.